TOEFL Essay exercise

From English Club.com

Does this scenario sound familiar to you? A young couple meets and falls in love in the city. Later they get married and decide to move to a rural area. They plan to start a family. This may have been the case years ago, but today more couples are choosing to settle down in the city. In my opinion a city has more to offer a new family than a rural area. These things include jobs, institutions, and support systems.

There are more work opportunities for young couples in a city than in a rural area. Unemployment is much lower in urban centers. One reason for this is that many jobs in rural areas are seasonal. It is more common for large companies to be based in the city. Even though the cost of living is higher in the city than it is in a rural area, people who work in the city tend to have much higher salaries. Furthermore, financial stress is a leading cause of divorce and leads to the break up of families.

The city offers important institutions such as the best hospitals and schools that rural areas don't always have. For instance, people who get sick or have babies in rural areas often have to travel to the city for medical attention. This can lead to bills and transportation problems. While their parents have to commute to work, kids sometimes have to travel a long way on a bus to school. All of the travel takes away from family time. In addition, kids who grow up in rural areas are less likely to go to post secondary schools. Most have to go to the city to get a good education.

It is more likely that a young couple will have the support of friends and family in the city than in a rural area. When a young couple moves away from this support system, they often feel isolated. On the other hand, small communities are usually close and friendly. It doesn't take long to meet new friends in a small town. People look out for each other and the crime rate is much lower. Even still, you can never replace your best friends and relatives. Consequently, birthdays and holidays feel lonely without grandparents and childhood friends to join in the celebration.

Living in the city is a new trend for young families. This is partly because people are starting families later. I have already established my career and home in the city. My friends and family and all of the things I need are here. When I meet my future spouse I hope he agrees to settle down in the city.

Essay checklist
Do I have an interesting introductory sentence?
Do I have a thesis?
Does my introduction state the topics that I plan to cover?
Does each paragraph have a topic sentence?
Do I use examples and reasons to support my points?
Is my spelling and punctuation correct?
Do I use simple grammatical structure that I am comfortable with?
Do I use transitional phrases?
Have I covered both sides of an issue fairly?
Did I prove my thesis?
Does my conclusion end with an interesting thought or idea?